want vs need

Things I WANT but don't NEED (right now)
1. Running shoes
There's a hole near the right toe of my current running shoes that almost lends credibility to my running efforts. Truth be told the hole is probably due more to poor shoe quality than the wear and tear of running. I think I'll postpone buying new shoes until I actually earn the mileage.









2. Earphones
The earphones that came with my iPod are almost 2 years old. More gray than white in color now it's exposed wirings have been taped over many times (with Micropore!). I can barely hear anything from the right earphone. I tend to compensate by increasing the volume which is probably bad for my left ear. I don't get to use them very often now since I have started running without music. However, I am looking forward to using them when I go on duty in the hospital. I'm over caffeinated and on an adrenalin high during my 24-hour hospital duties. When I do have to time for a nap I need to listen to soothing music that can lull me to sleep.


3. Laptop Sleeve
A nice laptop deserves a good laptop sleeve, one that allows me to just chuck the whole thing in my bag and not worry about damaging my laptop. My old sleeve is way too big for my (relatively) new laptop. It does not really offer that much protection. I need one that is light and fits like a glove.







4. ER Season 15 Box Set
Yes, DVDs of the full season 15. After going through season 1 to 14 since med school I'm determined to see the whole series to its end. I once considered going into Emergency Medicine but I decided I wanted more patient contact (and follow-up) than an ER stay of 24-48 hours can give.



5. Tree bookshelf
Just because it's so damn nice to look at. But I'll probably need a forest to shelve all of my books.

Tree Bookshelf from designer Shawn Soh.










Things I WANT and actually NEED
Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine 17th ed

I have the 16th ed all highlighted, bookmarked and covered with notations. That's not to say I have read the entire 2 volumes. I still need to get the updated 17th ed though. I actually have the pdf of the new edition but there's nothing like the feel and smell of a new book to inspire me to study.





Yup, that's all I really need right now (and maybe a little less rain so I can run).

updates

Too much has happened that I haven't been able to write about.

There's the week-long Cebu-CDO-Camiguin trip, my camera breaking down, the tan-lines and getting really, really dark during rainy season.

There's letting go of my laid-back lifestyle of work/vacation to go into unemployment, to feeling really stupid during pre-residency and then being accepted to another residency program.

There's momentarily losing sight of my running goals as rainy weather put a lid on my running for July and August, and coming home bone-tired during my pre-residency in September (I actually fall asleep on the commute home).

But I'm back now.

I'm getting used to running on a treadmill. I've set new running goals for October and am on the brink of achieving them. I am glad that all the walking (and commuting) I did for pre-residency kept my weight down. At least after a full month with no runs I won't have to concern myself about additional weight wreaking havoc to my knees.

I have plans for a last vacation before I start my residency training in December.

It's nice to have goals.

Yes, a slacker like me actually believes in goals.

revitalize

I am currently shooting out cosmic death rays. Beware. Scary, but this too shall pass.

I am all dressed up with nowhere to go. Last minute cancellations are my pet peeve. Receiving three in a day has put too close to my tipping point.

MUST. REMEMBER. TO. CHILL.

maraming salamat po

Whatever I write today will never be good enough. So I'm keeping it as simple as possible (but not simpler).

Rest In Peace President Corazon Aquino.

Maraming Salamat Po.

is it time to go to sleep?

Mediocrity's like a spot on a shirt - it never comes off.

Haruki Murakami
Dance Dance Dance

sweet

When two people I've never met before and communicate with only through SMS and blog comments tell me on the same day that what I've just said (written) was really sweet I must be doing something good.

this a rant/ this is a rave

Okay.

I was just in the worst traffic jam ever.


I just got home. A bus ride from Alabang to Batangas which usually takes 1 1/2 hours on a good day stretched to what seemed like infinity. I left Alabang at a little before 3 PM yesterday and arrived at Batangas at 2:40 AM today. My butt is numb from sitting in the bus for 11 hours and 43 minutes.

Contrary to what most people might think, the bus was not filled with impatient and grumbling passengers. I surprised even myself by not complaining. We were at a standstill most of the time, what use was complaining going to do anyway. It was just going to be a waste of energy.

I got some sleep on the bus. Most passengers did. Some ate their dinner and snacks on board. We listened to 80's music (mostly classic rock and pop), watched the news about PGMA's SONA, watched Pirates of the Caribbean (the first movie followed by the sequel) and was already half-way through the Curse of the Black Pearl when the DVD player just stalled. We then watched another film version of Tomb Raider 1 and 1/2 times (not the one with Angelina Jolie and with really bad acting). In between all these I was reading Haruki Murakami's Dance Dance Dance and would've finished the book if the bus lights weren't switched off late in the night.

I'm not feeling too tired right now, which is quite unfortunate as I can't get myself to fall asleep. I keep thinking about alternate travel experiences. If I was going the opposite direction I would've reached Ilocos Norte by then. On a different day I would've reached Bicol already. If I was on a boat instead I would've already reached Romblon. If I was in Cebu, I would've been in Camiguin already. If I was going to work, I would've already gone back and forth to Mindoro twice.

For most part of the bus ride, this was my view out the window. Not exactly a view to die for, but I'm really not complaining.


In truth, I will probably remember this as the shortest 12-hour trip I've ever had. In truth, this will probably be the best "worst traffic jam" I'll ever be in.

Going down the bus at the end of Diversion Road in Batangas I couldn't help but smile when the passengers thanked the driver and the conductor for a safe trip. We all laughed when one passenger quipped "sulit ang bayad". Truly, the bus fare we paid was all worth it.

last words

July has not been extremely friendly to me.

I'm back in Manila. I took an exam without reviewing and walked away hitting myself on the head. I must have written the most disjointed essay I've ever written. It's shameful. Now, I'm down to contemplating Plan C in my medical career path. Unfortunately, it's appearing to be just like the weather - gloomy, overcast and gray.

I should not be getting worked up. Saturday night I bought five Smiley stress balls, four of which I gave to my equally depressed and directionless friends. The last one is for me.

quickie

1. If I haven't posted anything about work in the past month it's because recent turn of events have been upsetting I'd rather not write about them.

2. My best friend is doing flu research and is now currently very busy with AH1N1. One day she asked me if I wasn't worried about her health and safety since she was working on a highly infectious virus. I couldn't help but smile before saying "Oh, I do worry. But please remember that I'm a doctor and I work with infectious diseases everyday." We had a good laugh after that.

3. I'm starting to hate the rain. From running 3 to 5 times a week I'm down to 2 runs. I'm not adding mileage or improving my endurance. I feel like a loser getting winded and achy after an easy 5 km.

4. Day 4 of nape pains. I feel tired and sort of unwell. I feel silly not being able to take my blood pressure while on the road. I'm too young to get sick.

5. I miss playing tennis.


I am overdosing on The Velvet Underground.

her morning elegance

Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie

Thanks to Aki for showing me this vid. Stop motion charms me no end.

I love it.

meant to travel

I was at National Bookstore checking the travel section when the guy next to me caught my attention.

"You love to travel, too?" he asked. I smiled brightly and said yes.

"I'm planning to go to Australia," he continued, as he reached out to the Lonely Planet guide to Australia.

"Australia. Wow. Is this for work or vacation?" It was my turn to ask.

"Oh, I don't work."

And with that I was hooked.

Here was a very confident 25-year old businessman who was also an avid traveler. He talked about studying in Europe, ordering a gelato in Milan, the cold weather in Beijing and feeding needy children in South Africa.

All I could do was smile and ham it up. He was talking about previous travels while all I had to share was future travel plans - going to China with friends in a couple of years and plans to apply to Australia for further training. My recent islandhopping escapades and travel to HK and Macau certainly was not up to par. Nevertheless, we still had an enjoyable chat and we ended up exchanging contact information for possible "collaborations" in the future. (As a physician he thought I would be interested in his new anti-aging business venture, while his feeding the needy crusade was what piqued my interest).

We discussed the merits of the different travel guides (Let's Go, LP, Rough Guide, etc) - the no-ads stand of LP, the very specific travel info in Let's Go (how to order a gelato, recent political/economic development). I suggested he read Bill Bryson's In A Sunburned Country before he left for Australia although it wasn't available in the bookstore at the moment. In the end he chose to get a Let's Go guide to Australia.

More small talk then goodbye, with a "maybe we'll see each other in Australia", a handshake and a smile.


A conversation with a fellow traveler always leaves me buoyant. It's almost like I've actually done some traveling when all I've had was an eye-opening chat. And to put icing on this travel bug's cake the new edition (May 2009) of Lonely Planet Philippines is out now. I was fortunate enough to purchase it at it's initial price of Php 809 on the same day they increased it to Php 1,009.

What do you know, I am blessed.

I was meant to travel.

just doing their job

Traffic was a little better today. It was kind of a lopsided day. It was human traffic that drained me.

It was still raining when I got off the bus at EDSA Central. As soon as I entered the building I got suckered into a conversation with a Chinese Amway sales agent. I'm not sure if he just did not understand what I was saying or if he just did not want to take no for an answer. For 15 minutes I went along and humored him. I took his card, gave a false number and hurried along.

Next stop I was accosted by a magazine saleswoman offering raffle tickets for a trip to Dubai. A few days before I had already filled up a raffle ticket for a trip to Australia that looked exactly the same as the Dubai ticket. I politely declined the offer and continued perusing the Asian Geographic Passport.

Walking across the mall I knew I was going to be a good target for a lot of sales agent. I had that "I'm lost" look on me, plus I was alone. I walked hurriedly along avoiding eye contact.

Barely walking a kilometer I must have said no to 7 sales agent already. Very politely, if I may add. You really can't harbor any bad feelings towards them. They are all just doing their job. I just wish that they wouldn't be so mean and demeaning sometimes.

manila traffic

I will never get used to Metro Manila's traffic jams.

It took me 2 1/2 hours to commute from Quezon City to Bicutan tonight. It was not even raining hard and the bus I was on took the Skyway already. Two and a half hours - about the same amount of time it takes a mid-day bus to get from QC to Batangas.

I don't mind long bus rides if I'm traveling long distances. But to sit for hours in a bus that barely moves along EDSA is torture for me. I feel fortunate that I do not have to endure this torture everyday like the thousands of Metro Manila commuters.

After my 2 1/2 hour bus ride, standing in the rain waiting for yet another ride

Sitting sadly in the bus tonight I was reminded of what one tour guide said about Metro Manila traffic. We were in Hongkong that time on a city tour and Mr. Lee, our guide, was explaining that we might be a little late getting to our next destination on account of the rush hour traffic. I remember smiling and looking out the window as cars zipped past at 35 kph. That was rush hour traffic - cars just moving a little slower than the usual 80 kph.



Mr. Lee was right to say that Hongkong's traffic system is a little better than Manila's. He loved visiting the Philippines for vacations but had to shake his head at the Metro Manila traffic where you can sit in a bus, have a two-hour nap and not be afraid of missing your stop. When you wake up from the nap you're probably still in the same place anyway.


Even Lonely Planet's Tony Wheeler agrees that Manila's traffic jams are to be reckoned even beating out Bangkok. Although he does add that Shanghai still wins for the worst traffic jams (Tony Wheeler's World Worsts in The Titanic Awards).


I suppose there are still a couple of good things about traffic jams. I can attribute my love for walking to traffic since at times walking takes me to my destination faster than taking a jeepney. On occasions that I do need to take a jeepney the hour-long commutes present an opportunity for me to catch up on my reading. And of course, stuck in traffic one learns to appreciate the empty spaces and open roads of a provincial setting

dream

I love this:

"Well, I had a dream I was running further than I've ever ran before"

*smiles*

pandan island: rain or shine

I usually plan my travels weeks before I leave. At the very least I know a little about my destination. Not this time. I received the message confirming the trip to Pandan Island the day before we were supposed to leave. I took a peek at my Lonely Planet guide, read the half-page entry, and that was it. I had no idea what the trip had in store for me.

On that same day I had just finished reading The Beach by Alex Garland. I still had all these images in my head of an isolated beach - the perfect getaway. I had to stop myself from daydreaming so I would not be disappointed if reality fell short of this paradise.

* * *

It had been raining the past few days with a low-pressure area forecast off the coast of Mindoro. It was drizzling when we got on the boat to Abra de Ilog in Occidental Mindoro. Our group was split in the middle with regards to the weather. The ladies were continuously begging the sun to come out with their sun dance while the men were praying for overcast skies.

It was well and good that we were initially rained in on the trip. The open bus ride to Sablayan (3 hours - P113) would have been insufferable if not for the rain. The highway was like a jigsaw puzzle with 50-meter stretches of asphalt road interspersed with kilometers of dirt road. The rain had spared us from suffocating heat and asthma-inducing clouds of dust.

We met our host (a friend of a friend of a friend) at Sablayan and was whisked by a tricycle to the water's edge where we took a fifteen minute boat ride to North Pandan island. It was still overcast but it had stopped raining for a while. The view that greeted us could well have been paradise.



We had a hut to ourselves with a sleeping space in the attic, enough food to last us for 3 days, beer and a whole island to explore. Rain or shine we were determined to have some fun.


A short walk on the powdery white sand brought us to a nice spot for a swim. Aside from the occasional snorkler or passing boat we had the spot all to ourselves. After hours of soaking up the seawater we headed into the heart of the island. A short trek through coconuts and forest trees brought us to a lagoon where the waves had carved small basins into the rocks and corals. We swam in tubs of bubbling sea water as it drizzled. Another shorter trek brought us to a tinier cove with a rock formation the locals called the Spanish Nose.

We took a different route going back to the hut. We walked over sand and sea grass, sharp rocks and corals. A slight misstep would have inevitably resulted into multiple abrasions and lacerations. I was glad I was wearing rubber sandals which prevented me from slipping. A friend was wearing 3-inch platform Havaianas, it was a wonder how she got through without a single scratch.

It was drizzling the whole time. The cooling effect tricked us into believing that the 40-minute trek back to the hut was effortless. As soon as we sat down, stomachs grumbled, muscles cramped and we all gave out sighs of relief.



The rest of our stay in Pandan Island was more chill time. The sun finally came out on our second day and we basked in its radiance. The water was clean and clear. Fish kept swimming in schools near the water's edge and we were on constant lookout for pawikan.

Not far from where we were staying foreign visitors in the island's resort sunbathed. Kids played in the sand while the grown-ups played volleyball. A French guy caught his breath near our hut before turning around to continue his morning run. And I had my third cup of coffee as I stretched on a bench reading a good book.



When it was time to go our host gave us an added treat and took us around the island by boat. The ride lasted only 10 minutes, but it was a good and satisfying 10 minutes. We passed all the now familiar places and then some: our small hut with the "No Trispassng" sign in front, the small lagoon, the Spanish Nose, underwater caves, the sandbar, the island's resort and the stretch of white sand where the sea turtles (pawikan) lay their eggs at night. Rain or shine we had enjoyed our short stay in Pandan Island.


The rest of the afternoon was spent singing our hearts out at videoke while waiting for the van to take us back to Mamburao.






Boat from Batangas to Abra de Ilog, Occ Mindoro (and vice versa) - P208 (+ P42 for an aircon upgrade)
Terminal Fee - P30
Van to Mamburao from Abra de Ilog (and vice versa) - P80
Tricycle to the Bus Station - P8/passenger
Bus to Sablayan - P113
Van to Mamburao from Sablayan - P230
Tricycle to Van Terminal P10
Contribution for food and lodging - P800

still running

Since I started running (jogging? or whatever you can call this slow shuffling gait) I've hit several road blocks.

Being overweight and unfit I could not even run for 5 minutes straight in the beginning. I searched for a newbie running program and decided to aim for a 5 km (The Couch-to-5k Running Plan). Getting to 3 km was easy enough. But after that I hit my first wall.

I mixed it up a bit. I run to the beach, not minding if I made several stops on the way. I run on a treadmill. Pretty soon I was running my 5 km. It was like sweet victory since it was something I never thought I could do.

Then I hit another wall. I could not get past 5 km this time. For a month I was only running 5 km/run. I took a tiny break, a vacation, then suddenly I ran a 6 km without even knowing it.

Then I hit yet another wall. After 2 weeks of doing short quick runs (to the point of feeling nauseous at times) and running out of safe roads to run on I was afraid I would never run more than 6 km.

Then I run 8 km. It took me totally by surprise!

All in all, progress may be slow but I can't say I'm not doing good. Except for a few misses I'm pretty much on schedule. Even the weight loss (which was never the primary reason for my taking up running) was surprising. As it is, it seems that I will be running a 10 km sooner than I expected.

* * *

Last night I run my last 2 km under pouring rain. I thought it was just going to be a light drizzle so I kept on running. Then it started pouring really hard. I kept blinking as water dripped from my brow into my eyes. Since I was already wet I decided to finish my run. And finish it I did - with my fastest km (mile) to date =D

It's good to know that even with road blocks I'm not running out of motivation yet. I still think it would be great if I could run with someone else, though.

I do need someone to run with. It would make all this running even more enjoyable.

Is there any one in Batangas looking for a running partner? I'm a slow and plodding newbie who refuses to believe her hyperactive (asthmatic) lungs and airways are not suited for mid-distance runs.

i dreamed a dream

Gotta love this: Susan Boyle sings I Dreamed a Dream

[Too bad embedding was disabled.]

Makes me want to be so much better. At everything

29!

all in a day's work

Nights on duty:

A year-old baby arrives at the hospital - a referral from another hospital. She is febrile and weak-looking. She is severely dehydrated and is breathing with difficulty. Pneumonia. Within the minute she arrives she goes into a seizure. Right away you consider meningitis and then cerebral malaria. You admit the patient immediately slightly piqued that the referring hospital did not call or send an SMS about transferring the patient. After admitting the patient and sending the ambulance away an SMS arrives regarding the referral. You conveniently forget to reply as you go on with your other admissions.

Two patients arrive almost at the same time. Both hypertensive with systolic blood pressures over 220 (normal systolic BP is 120 and below). Motor intact, sensory intact, no change in sensorium, oriented to person, place and time. Not stroke. One is congested, you start diuresis to rid of the fluid overload and bring down the blood pressure. One is diabetic and on insulin, blood sugar is in the high 200's. You give another shot of insulin. You monitor each patient closely the whole night.

A pregnant woman arrives complaining of lumbosacral pains. She has just gone into labor. A check reveals her baby is okay, fetal heart tones are okay. The woman's blood pressure, however, isn't. At 230/160 she is in preeclampsia. You start her on Hydralazine, load Magnesium Sulfate and inform her OB-Gyne. Her blood pressure goes down a little. In two hours time you are holding her baby. She had undergone an emergency Cesarian Section. They were okay.

Another pregnant woman arrives. She has been having uterine contractions since that morning. It was her sixth pregnancy. You do an internal examination which reveals that her cervix is fully dilated. You admit her directly to the delivery room. She delivers her baby within 15 minutes. The NA stands beside you to catch the baby. Both of you cringe as you notice a pinkish round noodle-like thing come out of her anus after the baby is delivered. A worm - Ascaris by the looks of it. You put a side note on the chart beside your post delivery orders and remind yourself to inform the OB resident to give the patient a purgative on follow-up.

You finally get some rest before 3 in the morning. You lie down and try to fall asleep knowing full well that the adrenaline coursing through your veins is going to keep you awake. Twenty minutes later just as your were about to doze off a knock on the call room door jolts you back into wakefulness. There is another patient in the ER. A mother has just brought her eight year old son. He has been vomiting and having loose bowel movement since the night before. He looks on innocently and smiles at me as he stands straight in his blue and white striped pajamas. You advise the mother to have labs done in the morning (the med tech had gone home for the day). Even though febrile, the patient showed no signs of dehydration. His clinical picture was that of a urinary tract infection - not viral gastroenteritis, not intestinal amoebiaisis*. You prescribed an oral rehydration solution, an antipyretic and an antibiotic, said goodbye to the kid and went back to sleep.

Two hours later you are awoken by another patient for admission.



*Labs done the following day did reveal a urinary tract infection.

back to work

I went on the trip alone. A colleague I usually go with had passed on work this month and was going home for a vacation.

I took an earlier trip. It was windy but the sea was flat and the sky was a clear blue. Another boat run almost parallel to the Baleno Otso before it veered a little to the left to head for Calapan. As the boat grew smaller in the distance I shifted in my seat and started reading.

"There is nothing nicer than doing nothing all day, then having a rest afterwards."

I agree. Take me away from the city any time. Take me away from the noise, the pollution, the congestion and anxiety. Give me space. Give me green trees and blue sky every day.

The boat docked at Abra in under two hours. I was lucky enough to get a ride on a passenger van that had gotten on the boat from Batangas.

I never get tired of the ride to the hospital. It is still a vision to see the clean green of rice paddies in the light of the setting sun. The coconuts frame the paddies in the distance. Only white cows and birds (egrets?) break the green sea.

Small towns always give me a warm and fuzzy feeling as I enter them. I always hope that this feeling of "home" is not replaced by a feeling of stalker creepiness. Small town people can be intrusive. They always know when somebody is new in town. In such a small place everyone knows what you've been up to.

After settling in and giving my dorm room a little clean-up I headed out to the hospital to chat up with the previous group of doctors. I had arrived just in time for a bon voyage party for two of them. After an unhealthy dinner of liempo and crispy pata we spent the rest of the night drinking and howling at each others videoke miscues.

I've never been much of a drinker. Occasions to drink don't come too often either. Recent R&R trips had me drinking more in a month than what I usually drink in a year.

At 2:30 in the morning I turned in earlier than the others. They would all be off in the morning while I was just going to start my work week. I made sure to hydrate and went straight to bed after I washed up.


I woke up early in the morning and run a 6k.



Reading:
Underwater To Get Out of the Rain: A Love Affair With The Sea (Trevor Norton)